Classifieds Ads

Friday, I was in a bookstore and I started talking to a French girl. She was a bilingual illiterate -- she couldn't read in two different languages.


Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.


I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.


"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.


What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?


Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.


Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.


Suburbia is where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.


Adults are just kids who owe money.


I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.


Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.


I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

Articles For Sale

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Call Elvis at 339-2003.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Call 331-7200. Ask for Stephanie
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Call Jean-Francoise.
ABC Lingerie - Our bikinis are exciting. They're simply the tops.

Services

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Help Wanted

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Help Wanted Cont'd.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Wanted - Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Miscellaneous

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Norma's Salon - Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Fred's Tailor Shop & Winery - We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Ken's Used Cars - Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Used tomestone - Perfect for someone named Bernard Hendle Bergen Schwartz.
Have Viagra - Need woman...any woman. Call Ricky.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Complete set of encyclopedia britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 Or best offer. Do not need. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
 
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